osteothropy | IC CONTACT

[What with Flowey lurking around somewhere, and other people awake and about in the area... Papyrus goes through his whole spiel before realizing that the sound of falling things, paired with no interruption or response, is probably connected to a teleporting brother. He turns, dreading to see it; but there it is. Tail in the air and everything.]

Oh my god. Sans.

[Have a big-younger brother, coming over to help haul you out of those boxes. Or at least pile them back up again, once you've gotten up.]

Did you even hear anything I said? This is why I didn't tell you where I was right away.

[As it turns out, Sans does need the help out of the boxes. The stone melded into his body and the weird tail have added up to a lot of difficult weight in unexpected places, and sudden movements constantly have him off balance. And, really, what is a more sudden movement than teleportation?

He did listen, but maybe it just didn't process very well. As Papyrus is scooping him up, Sans is latching onto his arms with his hands, as if trying to stop him from going anywhere, like he's afraid he might leave. His tail gets in on it too, the tentacle suckers doing their best to latch onto his leg and keep him close.]

I heard, but... you don't... you don't get it. Bro, please, you gotta stay away from that thing. It's lying to you.

[He's pleading, and it's completely sincere.]

[Well, there are far worse things that could happen now than a clingy hug. He pats at Sans' shoulder, as best he can with his arms being grabbed like this.]

It's... You know, it's funny you should say that. He said much the same thing! Not the part about lying, but that I had no idea what he'd done, and that he didn't deserve my friendship. And then he said he needed to talk to you, first.

[Papyrus scowls, and glances away from his brother so it's a little less obvious. He might as well look around for Flowey while he's at it, too. Over behind the balloon stand, maybe? Loitering by the doorway of a tent?]

But I think I get to decide that for myself.

[He can think of no legitimate reason for that what so ever. His gaze follows Papyrus's - even like this, part of him is looking for some clue if the flower's location.]

I... I know it's hard to believe, but... he's done stuff like this before. Befriending people, trying to be popular... He knows what kind of stuff he's gotta say for you to believe him. He knows you better than you know him.

[Sans sounds like he's trying to convince someone back from the edge of a cliff, from the level of desperation in his tone.]

[ Dread comes as easily as if he's always known it. Sans was the most difficult one to face, was violent and protective, and what's more, he remembered. He'd still remember him, even now. Who knows if he has a tally of his brother's death? The sadness he earned from Papyrus is the only thing he has boosting him to rise up from the ground. It was doing guilt's part in his mind, and if he tells them-- if he tells them, it's the only chance he has at surviving here and proving who he was! ]

Don't attack! I swear! I won't lift a finger!

[ He looks obviously... scared? Not a common look on Flowey. He remembers after all, all the times he was torn apart, that this was the only person who COULD tear him apart. ]

T- Toriel! Alphys' underground basement! I can explain everything but why I'd deserve to be forgiven! I'm Toriel's...!

[It's a byproduct of his circumstances, to be sure. He's a thread's width from losing it with recent trauma and past grief combining, and Flowey is the perfect trigger to bring it out. Sans doesn't let go of Papyrus, but he does go rigid.

Before Flowey can finish, he's trust out his hand, and a circle of bones is erupting around the flower in a cage formation - not closed in enough to hurt him, yet, but trying to block him from coming or going through the ground.

He doesn't say anything. He's reacting on instinct, and he hasn't thought about what comes next.]

... I'm Toriel's son! I'm Asriel!

[ Well, okay. Saying he's Asriel, even if it wasn't true, doesn't cover the sheer amount of damage he's done to these two skeletons in particular, not to mention the rest of the underground. They were by no way obligated to forgive him like Frisk had, Papyrus included.

So he better explain while that exclamation hopefully stalls them. ]

You know the story, right? King Asgore and Queen Toriel had a child named Asriel. One day, a human fell in and was adopted into the royal family. Chara... my sibling... they weren't very nice, but they were my sibling. My best friend. They had a plan to take on the humans that made them jump into Mt. Ebott. Chara started poisoning themself with buttercups. We had a plan... w- we wanted to get six human souls and free all the monsters! Chara lied to our parents, they said they wanted to go see the golden flowers one last time above ground...

... so... Chara died. And because of their last wish, I was allowed to take their soul above ground. But it was both of us in one body-- Chara didn't just want to kill six humans, Chara wanted to kill every human in that village.

So I resisted them. I went to the Golden Flowers, just like Chara asked. Humans started screaming and bringing out their weapons. I could have killed them all, but all I did was pick them back up again and headed back for the monster's world.

You remember the next part, right? I don't have to explain. I died when I came back and turned into dust in the throne room. [ Asgore declared human souls would save them all, and each human would be reaped of theirs, and hope had returned. Toriel was disgusted and absconded to the ruins with Chara's body. ]

Alphys... she did her best. [ laughs a little. ] I wouldn't be alive without her.

She was tasked by Asgore to experiment with determination to try and find all of us a way out without the use of human souls. She took one of the flowers from his throne room, the first one to bloom since I died and injected it with determination. That was me. But I didn't have a soul, all I had were my memories and will to live.

I couldn't feel anything, so I went around doing my best for people, and when that didn't make me feel anything, I tried everything. Eventually, I became the me you know.

I had the power to save and reset until Frisk came along-- that was the determination. I think.

...

[ He bows his head, as if he doesn't care if the bones close in. ]

Too long, didn't listen: Because I had no feelings, I was desperate for any single one. But without a soul, I'd never be on that level.

The Ringmaster let me sign for it back. I have to regain my feelings on my own, b- but... once I do, I'll be Asriel again.

Please, believe me...

[The thing about holding onto somebody is, they can hold back. Papyrus twists his arm around a bit, enough to get his hand on Sans' arm back, so they're both just sorta holding each other. He squeezes once in warning as that thorough bone cage goes up, warning not to go further - and really, isn't that already too far? but his brother's gone so rigid and silent that maybe it isn't for him to feel safe - and then, a longer squeeze. Reassuring: still here, brother.

He listens without interrupting as Flowey introduces himself by a whole other name - a name he's heard before, sometime - and spins a familiar story with a really big, flower-shaped twist. And what he ends it with, it's what he'd been saying before but with context, and...]

Oh my god...! That's so sad.

[He wipes at his cheeks, glances down and sideways at Sans.]

Is... this the stuff he told me, before? Because I want to believe it!

[It's for the best that Papyrus is there, before his presence is the guiding force that prevents Sans from just interrupting Flowey's explanation with some kind of preventative violence. He's heard this before, he feels like. He's heard so many lies for this flower, and with the ability to rewrite time, he would have had ample time to build and alibi.

And yet, none of this feels new.

Sans wavers on his feet, going limp at the knees, his free hand pressing to his skill as his thoughts begin to race, and excess of information cluttering his mind. It's always there, behind closed doors. More memories than he can comprehend, ready to tear his head apart ever time he tries to analyze them too closely.

Has he heard this one before? Trying to piece it together, to narrow it down to a few specific timelines - it's difficult. He has asked the Ringmaster to allow him to remember everything, and she had. Even now, three years later, he's still feeling the impact of how big of a mistake that might have been.

Had Flowey told Papyrus this story before?]

You...

[He makes a pained sound, his grip on Papyrus the only thing keeping him from falling to the ground. Most of his eyes have closed in a grimace, except one, blazing blue and gold. The bones retract, but just as quickly, form a wall between Flowey and the two of them.]

St-Stay away from us. That's your only warning.

[His tail has gotten uncomfortably tight around Papyrus's leg.]

Got it?

... Yeah.

I deserve it.

[ Because Frisk had saved the world, taught him the meaning of love in his heart again-- specifically from Sans and Papyrus as well while they were trapped in there, that simple 'nah, I'm rooting for ya, kid'. Sans had the most doubt. 'Why even try?' This was the last person who would have ever believed him. It meant nothing to him to stay away from Papyrus' trailer, he was a flower, he could find anywhere he wanted.

He had hoped... Frisk's miracle could influence his own, but that simply wasn't the truth. Frisk had given a miracle to Flowey and Asriel, not the other way around. Therefore, these objects of his torture have no reason to forgive him. To believe he's just a child underneath. To believe a child would go to such lengths.

He starts to cry again, same as when Papyrus saw them, and of course, they might look like crocodile tears to Sans. ]

I'll stay out of his trailer.

I'll stay away from you.

I'll--

[ * Ｆｌｏｗｅｙｒａｎａｗａｙ. ]

Edited 2017-11-19 00:24 (UTC)

[For a moment his hopes are soaring, hearing this tale of repentance and reconciliation, as he looks to his brother for confirmation that it's true.

But... Sans doesn't even acknowledge the question, barely acknowledges that Flowey's said anything at all. He flashes magic of fearful aggression, tightens his grip all protective, and warns Flowey to stay away. Even that tail's grasp tightens, frankly painfully so, as Flowey... complies, with a really pained look on his face.

Papyrus takes a slow, for-show breath, and drags a hand down his face. A frustrated sound escapes his mouth.]

Oh my god...

[If he were the sort of skeleton to dwell in regrets, he'd probably be thinking... why didn't he talk with Flowey some more? Explain the situation better? Insist that he go over and talk in person?

And... okay, while he might not be the sort of skeleton to dwell on those things, he can practically hear Sistina saying these things. On some level, he is thinking that. But he can't go through life like that, thinking if he just changed this choice or that he could control what others do. All he can do is his own very best, and encourage others to do the same! Their choices are their own! With occasional, gentle nudges!!

Which... really leaves the question, just what is Sans thinking? Chasing away his friend without so much as an 'excuse me', threatening to hurt - or worse - that same friend... and isn't it Sans' job to stop carnival folks from breaking the Ringmasters rules? The rules like, no attacking each other??? Maybe they should have talked more.

...Nothing stopping them from talking a little more now. And he really can't just let this happen, it's unfair to all of them.]

Brother... what are you doing?

[The relief he feels when Flowey disappears is palpable. It makes things easier someone, like not being burned by looking at him is enough to lift a weight from his shoulders. He's still not happy, though, not satisfied - and he can tell that Papyrus isn't either.

Sans manages to collect himself enough to stand, finally loosening his hold on Papyrus's leg with a few suction cup popping sounds. He pulls back, and will let go of Papyrus's arm... provided that Papyrus is willing to let go of him in return.]

I... I told you what he did.

[He still looks threatened, but also confused, like he can't rationalize what's going on right now.]

I thought you believed me...

[What a painful question.

A thorny question fraught with fear, and doubt, and being alone too long... Papyrus relaxes his grip, but doesn't quite let go. He's still here for you, brother, and as confidently as he can, he says:]

I do. I really do. I just...

[It's hard to look at Sans' face, saying this, and Papyrus studies his feet instead. Squeezes his toes tight together, dragging marks in the soil.]

I want to believe both of you. He admitted, before I called you, that he did terrible things! It isn't as though he denied it. But, if he wants to be a better person... How could I refuse to let him?

[It's not just his usual, naive-sounding optimism. Largely that, and could easily come across as that... but he's pleading a little bit, too. He's projecting, a little bit, at the notion of someone who messed up, wanting to change.]

Edited (broke a small tag) 2017-11-19 03:50 (UTC)

[It's a bit dizzying trying to explain this, something that feels like it should be obvious, but so hard to phrase when he can hear that genuine want in Papyrus's voice. He really wants to make this work, and part of him feels like shit for denying him that, but he just... can't...]

You... don't have to forgive someone to let them get better. You're not stopping them by just existing, you... we... we don't owe him anything! He doesn't have to do this while rubbin' it in the faces of the people he hurt.

[He's talking about Papyrus to some degree, but Papyrus isn't the only one projecting. It's easier to talk like he's concerned primarily for someone else's safety, even though he knows it's Papyrus's right to choose, and to decide what matters to him. His own fear of being hurt is very present now, and so much harder to express.

After all, he's the one that remembers the pain.]

It doesn't matter if he's lying or not, you don't have to be involved in this. Not when he's fucked us over more times than... than I can even remember.

More times than I remember.

[Papyrus' hand lifts off his brother's shoulder, drops to his side. It's strange, he feels... bitter about it. Envious, knowing the others remember these things. He's idly thought before about whether it would help Sans for him to remember, but right now... he just wants that memory for himself. Strange and unlike the pleasant Papyrus he chooses to be.]

It's no matter of me owing him anything. If anything... he owes me? But that's not the point! Owing has nothing to do with it, I just want to. To... see him doing well, being the best him he can be...

[He remembers being human, knowing he's screwed up and and envying his skeleton self's innocent helpfulness. The wistful notion of being someone who'd never hurt anybody, never killed anybody, and certainly never would choose to.

If he had a throat, there'd be a lump in it. He settles for rubbing his hands on his upper arms as if he's cold.]

Knowing that he knows someone believes in him... That's what I want, and what I want to do. I'm not asking you to! And, and, even if he did anything... I'll be okay. He can't kill me, or really hurt me.

[Carelessly spewed insults are nothing, and tiny bits of deja vu aren't hurt, not like Sans is hurt. Or like Flowey seems hurt. He's physically well, emotionally... getting by, and secure in his side agreement with the Ringmaster. Even should something disastrous and lethal should happen... he'd be okay again, after a while.]

[And, somehow, Sans has no comprehension of Papyrus's guilt. The things don't connect in his mind - two different worlds, too far apart for him to compare. His own angelic experience feels closer to his soul, but how Papyrus had been in Portland? It doesn't feel real, and his resentment for everything that Papyrus had been there had died with the barrier trapping them.

After all, it couldn't be Papyrus's fault that he'd been dealt a bum hand. If anything, it only proved his goodness, by showing that he actively chose to be the person that he is. It wasn't like goodness came to him anymore easily than anyone else, right?

It's hard not to see it that way, even after everything that happened as a result of warlock Papyrus's choices. Sans doesn't want to see it any differently, and so he doesn't.

This doesn't seem right. He doesn't know why Papyrus feels this way, besides the naivety he's boasted in the past. Maybe he's spent too long trying to hope for the hopeless, and he doesn't know how to be any other way. San doesn't know.

He does know that he can't actually tell Papyrus what to do, though. He can sneak around, he can watch him from the sidelines, he can make threats to the people that would hurt him. But he can't stop Papyrus from making his own decisions. He never could.

He watches Papyrus's hand as he pulls it away, and then looks at the ground. His tail curls away, slipping around his own feet instead. He hugs his body with his arms.]

I don't get it.

[His voice is quiet and defeated. He isn't going to fight this any more than he already has, and so now he speaks with what is practically a tone of mourning.]

This is exactly how you died... the last timeline I lived. The one I remember the best. You wouldn't quit with that kid. Until they killed you. Almost every time, it happened that way.

So... I stopped trying to stop it.

...Oh.

[Papyrus feels his face fall, as something drops in his rib cage. That tone of voice... it's not much different than how Sans sounded, talking about their father. That feeling... Papyrus can imagine the worrying, the bursts of self-recrimination, the wanting to do anything to protect him... the grieving regret.]

Right, I... died on you, before. I try not to think about that...

[Because, it's like it's not real. For all of Sans' distance and grief, Papyrus can't remember it. How can he be personally impacted by what is, effectively, a sad story? Plausible enough, he willingly believes in it.

It's kind of nice, especially right now, to know he hasn't changed much. That he's able to make similar-looking kinds of choices now, as he did back then. And it's a fun anecdote to briefly share on the radio, a curiosity to wonder at - what was dying like, anyway? - but the notion of time passing where he was just dead, for a long time... it's awful to imagine.]

But, I shouldn't forget how it's affected you. I'm truly sorry to have died! I'm... sure I never meant to.

[He understands that people... might choose that, out of desperate pain and the need to escape. Even people he knows, if not well, talk sometimes about... things like that. Moreso online, in sudden dark jokes. (Which reminds him, he really should spend more time with Doctor Alphys.)

But knowing isn't understanding, and if Papyrus had a friend who seemed to keep putting themself in harm's way, he might just start to... wonder, and worry. So, just in case Sans has been worrying something of the sort, that's a clear and easy reassurance to give. For the rest...]

Any more than I mean to now... So, maybe that isn't reassuring.

But... unlike back then... I'm well aware of the risks, and I've taken steps to avert any chance of dying.

[His voice lightens, brightens, gains in confidence. Somewhat forced, because pain and loss and uncertainty are still real things, surely no amount of dying and reviving would erase them... but he needs Sans to take heart from his confidence. Not to shrink away like this, especially not so soon after they got him back.]

A-after all, I can't abandon my responsibility, or leave you alone! So I talked to the Ringmaster already. You know the thing that the man Gongenzaka went through, the egg thing?

No matter if Flowey rediscovers a 'murdery' feeling, I will... be okay.

[Part of him wonder if, even now that he's openly talking about all of it, anything he says will really make a difference to how isolated he feels. Papyrus will never really understand it, and he clearly doesn't. Papyrus can be sympathetic, he can try to be empathetic, but there is still the barrier of dozens of realities that he has never experienced.

Maybe Sans never should have learned the rest of the story. Maybe he should start thinking about trying to forget.

But there's at least one thing they have in common, that Sans can find some hope in. He looks visibly surprised by Papyrus mentioning that he's also worked out a deal to restore his life, if need be.]

...Oh.

[It does encourage him, actually, as absurd of an idea as it seems. It's a bit like the stable certainty of knowing that seeing someone die will not by the last time, without the futility of returning to square one. Not that its a mistake he really wants to see the aftermath of, regardless.]

I, uh... I did something similar. [That is, the exact same thing.] I didn't really... tell anyone about it. But... you should know. Then.

...But.

[He says it, but doesn't know how to finish. Like, maybe he could say how getting revived wouldn't make that okay or an acceptable risk, for the sake of a creature like Flowey. There's no point, though. He looks at the ground, off to the side.]

...I dunno how to end conversations like this without just... going somewhere else.

[It doesn't feel fully resolved, but he's not exactly angry, either. He's never going to be satisfied. So, what does he do?]

You want to stop...?

[Confused, disappointed. Because that's the only reason he can think of, for ending the conversation right now, just like this. He doesn't want to, not yet knowing Sans believes in him, in his judgement. That he won't feel hurt, when Papyrus invites Flowey back to the trailer. That he's...

That he's going to be okay, eventually. That he knows Papyrus believes in him. After all, anything that applied to Flowey, about wanting to believe in him and support him, surely applies at least as much to Sans.

But... maybe he can't say any of those things, and silently leaving is the most honest thing he could do.

Papyrus nods slowly. If that's the case, then, well, it's better than lying reassuringly to his face. Even if it's hard to feel that it is, right this moment, longer-term the practice at honesty is better.]

It's fine if you want to! This... These are difficult topics to traverse.

[Difficult for both of them. Maybe they could just do this in... little pieces.]

We could end it like, a more ordinary conversation. Go to the mess hall, get a glass of milk, something to eat! Do something... normal.

[It's not really that he wants to stop, but when he can't see the way forward it seems easier to.]

I just dunno what to say. I know... this is how you feel. But I can't. I don't think I can feel that way right now. Maybe I don't know how anymore.

[He can't manage to make eye contact while he says it, because it if him feels lacking in all of the traits that he finds himself holding dear. That kindness is one of the things he is in constant awe of, with his brother. How could he keep up arguing against it, even while it hurt?]

But...

[His voice gets tighter and lower, like he's struggling to make himself speak at all.]

I don't wanna... go back. To how it was. Running away and making excuses. So... If that's somewhere we can go. Getting milk or whatever.

Then ok.

Yeah... okay.

[Papyrus nods, quick and sharp, and easily enough reassures:]

You can get a glass of milk with me anytime!

[It's probably best that Sans drink it, too. All that sickness and injury... the calcium would surely do him good.

But before they do this, before they leave this place and this conversation behind, with Sans so visibly discouraged... There's one more thing he needs to say. Even through Sans' choked-up voice, that he can already tell is contagious... that he's sure is part of why they never talk about these things, always retreating to jokes and evasions and bantering arguments.

They're so... different, about what they struggle with, that it's hard to know what to say.]

And... take the rest of it a little bit at a time. I believe in your potential! It may take a long time, for it's surely painful and difficult, but, that's okay. Just... take it easy, easy enough, for you to keep going, in some direction or another, besides back. Okay?

[Sans pauses, looking up at Papyrus despite having been lowkey avoiding meeting eyes with him a few moments before. That's... okay. He finds himself a little overwhelmed by the sentiment, mostly because it's validating in a way that catches him off guard.

He's quiet for few moments, his arms wrapped around his chest. Until, finally...]

I'm gunna. I mean. That's... what I'm going for. So... yeah.

[He pauses, and then tries to sound a bit more positive and decisive as he adds:]

Thanks.

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